


Not to the Past

by PenUltimate



Series: Haunting Ourselves [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (these are just random snippets), (you don't necessarily need to read any of the other parts), Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7954066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenUltimate/pseuds/PenUltimate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of deleted scenes and timestamps. </p><p>
  <em>“Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.” – Corrie Ten Boom<br/><em></em></em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There'll probably be quite a few of these, because my epilogue was getting unwily and messy, so I cut most of it out.

Now that Bucky has Steve for reference and knows that Steve can be trusted, he takes to asking him for verification of some of his stranger memories.

He calls his siblings sometimes. They’re always happy to help. But having Steve around so that he can verify the truth of certain memories is turning out to be very useful.

Unfortunately for Steve, Bucky doesn’t always pick the best moments to do it.

“Have we ever had sex?” he asks abruptly, apparently startling Steve, who is making a sandwich at the marble kitchen countertop. And Sam, who’s flicking through television channels, and Stark, who turns his wide eyes away from Banner, who he was in deep conversation with, scotch in hand. Clint raises his eyebrows slightly. Thor, Banner and Natasha don’t seem to care.

Neither does Bucky. He wants to know whose skin he can feel beneath his palms when he has dirty dreams. He thinks he can remember Steve's eyes when he thinks of kissing, but he's not quite sure what's real and what's not anymore when it comes to his memories. Did he have sex with Steve? Or did he just want to? He doesn't know.

So, he asks. 

“Excuse me?” Steve asks, voice sounding strangled – and Bucky would know. He can remember strangling a lot of people.

“Sex. I think I can remember us having it,” Bucky explains.

Steve is slowly turning a bright, embarrassed red under the astounded gaze of half the people in the room, and the mostly indifferent gazes of the others. He’s gotten used to clarifying the truth of past events with Bucky lately, but this was nothing like what his friend usually asked. However, he has always strived to rise to the occasion. He clears his throat.

“Yes, we, um. We have,” Steve admits, struggling to keep his voice even and abandoning all attempts at making a sandwich.

“More than once?” Bucky inquires, because he’s remembering a lot more than once.

Steve sighs, seeming to simply accept the fact that this is happening to him, in front of other people.

“Quite a few times, actually,” he replies.

Bucky remains silent for a moment, processing this, before nodding.

“Okay,” he decides, returning to the novel he’s reading, his curiosity slaked for the time being.

“Woah, gossip,” Stark remarks gleefully.

“Nope,” Steve protests stalwartly, crossing his arms defensively. He’s got an expression on his face that says he’s about to be as stubborn as a mule, and that getting more information out of him will be like getting blood from a stone. But Bucky has got to admit that Stark’s progeny is wily and about as annoying as a gnat, so he might just be able to irritate Steve into spilling the beans. Or at least some of them. 

_Unstoppable force, meet immovable object._

Bucky strains to keep a straight face as Stark gets increasingly jubilant, while Steve gets more and more flustered.

He’s still working on the whole “sense of humour” thing, but he’s pretty sure the old him would’ve enjoyed Steve’s blushing bumbling self just as much as he’s enjoying it now.

Bucky wouldn’t normally tease Steve in front of other people, but these people seem okay. At least they’re all messed up too. If not more, then equally. It’s a comforting thought.

He catches Natasha’s eye and winks, to which she replies with a slight quirk of her lips – on her, an outright smirk.

Meanwhile, Steve and Stark have devolved to yelling, Bruce is sighing the sigh of the put-upon, Sam is rolling his eyes, Clint’s head is snapping back and forth (like a child who’s watching his parent’s bicker and loving it), Thor now seems confused and mildly concerned, Pepper enters the room and sighs (but otherwise doesn’t seem to care) and all is mostly alright with the world.

Bucky returns to his book, satisfied.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky has a feeling that his attraction to Steve won’t exactly be a new revelation for him, that he’s told him before, but he’s still feeling a little jittery about it.

They’ve slept together in the past, apparently (and even that makes Bucky feel twitchy – because how many people has he slept with who remember it, but he doesn’t?), but not since… Well, not in a long time. And Bucky wants more than that.

He fidgets for a minute, watching Steve from the door to the kitchen.

Steve turns away from the documentary he’s watching and stretches his hand out towards Bucky carefully, telegraphing his movements.

When they’re already touching it’s not as much of a problem, but initial physical contact can take a while for Bucky to adjust to sometimes and he still often shies away from any sudden moves on Steve’s part. So, Steve figures it’s better to make Bucky feel safe than to be sorry when he flinches.

At least now the prospect of touch simply initially makes Bucky slightly wary. Before, it made him retreat – the same as had happened with any sudden noises or movements in his general vicinity.

Steve always let’s Bucky initiate physical contact. He holds out his arms and waits for Bucky to move forward into his embrace, holds out his hand rather than grabbing his, pats his lap or shoulder as an invitation for Bucky to lie on or lean on him; offers his arm for Bucky to link with as they walk along the street.

Bucky accepts the palm offered to him and, since Steve is sitting down with a leg up on the sofa, decides to turn and lay back against Steve’s chest still holding onto his hand and playing with his fingers. It’ll be easier to talk this way; always easier to confess to someone you can’t see.

Even though the Steve confessing to him in his memories always faces him head-on.

But he’s never been as brave as Steve.

 _“So, you… like fellas_ and _gals?”_

_“Let me put it like this: I like pie and I like cake, but I like you best of all.”_

_“Don’t you use Miss Morse against me, Steve!”_

_“I’m not trying to use anything against you, I’m just trying to explain in a way you’ll understand.”_

_“What, you think I only like dames?”_

_“I… what?”_

_“Chattanooga Choo Choo to you too.”_

_“You make no sense when you’re feeling embarrassed, Buck. Not that you have anything to feel embarrassed about.”_

_“Guess not.”_

_Steve's people were Church-going, poor, Irish immigrants and he lived in a poor area, with lots of poor people of all sorts – poor queer people included._

_He always said that he didn't see that it mattered. They were all the same kind of poor, either way.”_

_So, Bucky had known that Steve didn’t mind if people were queer or not – hell, he had plenty of friends and neighbours who were – but he’d never told Bucky that he was… But then, Bucky had never told him either._

The memories don’t make it any less nerve-wracking. What if they’re not really memories, but dreams? He can’t always depend on everything his mind tells him.

But even if it never happened, even if this is his first time telling Steve, he knows Steve won’t mind.

He knows they had sex. Of some sort. Steve told him that. He also knows that he’s been with women before. Physically. Well, he thinks he has. Or at the very least. So, he knows he’s _sexually_ attracted to a wide variety of people. But as for everything else…

“So… I’ve remembered some things, and you’ve explained a lot more,” he starts hesitantly.

Steve nods agreeably, to show Bucky that he’s paying attention and to encourage him to continue.

“But I’m still kind of confused. I don’t– Were we together, or not?” Bucky asks. “Back then,” he clarifies.

“Ah.”

Steve stops there for a moment, as if trying to gather the words for a sufficient explanation.

“We, um. It.” He stops and rubs his hand across his jaw. “Sort of? Sometimes? Mostly, we were just friends. Mostly,” he tries to explain.

What Bucky gathers from this is: it was complicated.

“And if I don’t want to be just friends anymore? If I want to be mostly more than friends?” Bucky ventures.

Steve huffs, the edges of his mouth creeping up into a smile.

“I think that’d be the cat’s pyjamas.”

Bucky snorts.

“No one says that anymore, Steve.”

“Oh, don’t you start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't read over this very carefully, but hopefully it's okay. Let me know if ye have any critiques. =)
> 
> Also, omfg, how am I only noticing now that I accidentally tagged this "Steve/Bucky/Tony"? xD Oops.


End file.
